Greatness
“I take a pleasure in inquiring into things. I’ve never been content to pass a stone without looking under it. And it is a black disappointment to me that I can never see the far side of the moon.”
― John Steinbeck, East of Eden
I’ve always feared greatness; the idea of our potential can be crippling when we think of opportunities and experiences that we have yet to conquer, and ignorance can be blissful or tormenting when we are unaware of the failures or triumphs that can “potentially” be in front of us if we choose it. Steinbeck’s East of Eden puts it perfectly when during a dialogue between Samuel and Adam it is said,
“No. I believe when you come to that responsibility [of greatness] the hugeness that you are alone to make your choice. On one side you have warmth and companionship and sweet understanding, and on the other - cold, lonely greatness.”
To choose to be greater than ourselves and rise above current standards of what society expects or accepts is a hard path to walk.
I was raised in a family of ten children. My younger brother Zach was right after me in birth order, I was fifth and he was sixth, thus making us the gooey center of our family. When he passed away at ten months old, he left me with the dreaded middle child position in the family. The odd man out. Because of this family dynamic, over the years I’ve gotten very good at independent thought. The surplus of alone time I’ve had in my life led to my development of many hobbies and talents ranging from fine arts to dancing to reading, which in the long run inevitably led to my curiosity and zeal for learning and people. At age eighteen my fury and passion for life climaxed when my current boyfriend Andy and I got a couple wild hairs to quit our jobs, abandon all that we new about social confines and supposed-to’s, and hitchhiked across the Unites States and back. Andy and I traveled for three months on the road and had the opportunity to hop two freight trains through Wyoming.
I’ll forever be grateful for the infinite gift of musing and dreaming of opportunities and unknown paths that life takes us; the human spirit is the most zealous, innovative, resilient creature, and will take us down the unbeaten paths that teach us most about who we are and what we’re supposed to do with our lives.
After my adventures on the road learning to go after wildest dreams and that assertiveness can take you far, literally and figuratively, I began to really consider my potential. If I continued to live in this fearless void that seemed so vacant and lonely, where few humans dare to go, what could I really accomplish? Considering possibilities as well as realities, considering what I WANTED to accomplish and what I SHOULD accomplish. I asked myself questions like what do I want to be and what do I do with this one life? Is my life even mine? If I could change the world, would I, and how?
I came to the conclusion, that the thing I wanted most was to change the world, and I also came to the conclusion that it was possible. I was able to come to this conclusion because I realized I was fearless (or crazy) enough to do it, and that I was doing it everyday, through the choices I make, how I live, how I interact with people, and how I choose to create MY world. By BEING this, it invites others to be fearless and do things that are out of the ordinary or outside the box.
Once I began daydreaming about the impossibilities and realities, I started to research opportunities I had to actually contribute to change. I had conquered one dream and I was ready for the next mission. Higher education. The idea was daunting because I realized I was ignorant on so many levels, but I realized that it was valuable to be aware of what you don't know; and true ignorance would be ignoring an opportunity to deepen my understanding of subjects I lacked knowledge about. My college experience began at MCC where I acquired a fine arts degree, naturally, because my advisers asked me what I liked to do instead of what are your weaknesses or what would you like to strengthen?
After the arts degree I “major hopped” from Linguistics, to anthropology, to Engineering.
Currently I am a sophomore in the Aerospace Engineering program, and I am so excited to progress with it. I finally feel like I am learning the problem solving skills I need to fulfill my goals and that I am on the path to acquire the growth and learning to create the change that I want to see.
I am continually impressed by my peers and what they're accomplishing. I look around campus and I see daydreamers like me. I see so much greatness and so much potential. Once I came to ASU, I wasn't as scared to be great anymore. Don’t misunderstand me, the unbearable brightness that responsibility holds is extremely daunting and everyday as an engineering student it’s intimidating realizing the information and learning that is available if I work hard. But I’m surrounded by peers that are experiencing the same thing and inspire me, and faculty that have gone through it and survived. Greatness doesn't seem so lonely anymore and doesn’t seem so unachievable when the opportunities are right in front of you.
“And I feel that I am a man. And I feel that a man is a very important thing - maybe more important than a star. This is not theology. I have no bent toward gods. But I have a new love for that glittering instrument, the human soul. It is a lovely and unique thing in the universe. It is always attacked and never destroyed - because 'thou mayest'.”
― John Steinbeck, East of Eden
